Thursday, August 30, 2007

Captain Planet Sorts Out the Troubles -or- Can't We All Just Get Along?

Dane, on the lookout for some YouTube action pertaining to his hometown, typed "Belfast" into the search box. Among other gems, he found this--an edited bit from a bizarre episode of Captain Planet that certainly deserves to be showcased somewhere.

In this episode, the Catholics and Protestants have somehow obtained WMDs and CP steps in to save the day (in an America--fuck yeah! sort of way). Man alive. There are no words to express how simplistic, uninformed and dopey this treatment of the Troubles is. You'll just have to watch for yourself.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

There’s an Animated Gif for That

Today we dissect the animated gif. Those loathsome, pointless, wiggling little attention whores that belong on no website designed post ‘96. Still, those buggers are everywhere.

This collection by no means represents the worst out there—but as free animated gifs abound on the internet, this choice bunch was fairly easy and extremely quickly gathered for our analytical purposes.

Let’s take a tour…
  1. The Ally McBeal dancing baby, as creepy as he ever was, performing three actions in one gif: 1) The soccer ball slap 2) the air guitar two-step 3) The funky pigeon



  2. Chinese dragon thingie giving repeated roars. Looks like someone went wild on its mouth and ears with the Photoshop Smudge Tool. The neon flashing eyes are just the icing on the cake.



  3. Everyone loves a good chimp gag. And talk about web versatility! A million different captions/advertising slogans would work with this little feller from “I paid too much for auto insurance” to “I knew I should have tried all-natural penis enhancement.”



  4. Nothing says Welcome to 1995 quite like the site Under Construction gif! Loads out there to choose from. Take your pick.



  5. Through the magic of multiple frames, an idiomatic expression is brought to life. Though, this pig doesn’t actually seem to be taking off really, as his rear hooves never appear to leave the ground. The yellow aura’s a bit sloppy as well.


  6. Two ultra-weird, new age/occult hands with a shitload of significance to someone out there--I'm sure of it. These aren’t quite as versatile as our friend Mr. Chimp, but a whole lot more intriguing!



  7. The dancing crucifix. My personal favorite.




  8. There are actually a number of amusing gifs to be found under the “Religion” category, so since we’re on the subject, here’s another one—the Peace Christ. Let’s forget about the fact that it's a silly image of Christ making the peace sign and talk instead about lazy animation. I mean, this one really isn’t animated, is it? It’s just an image being moved from the corner of the frame into the center of it, gradually displaying the complete picture. Dopey.



  9. Weird sewer creature thing-a-majig tosses up a purple ball containing a friendly salutation. Bizarre.


  10. Brontosaurus regurgitates a never-ending supply of letters into a mailbox. How this functions as a graphic representation of “send an email” is beyond me.




  11. Finally, this orca clearly illustrates one of my biggest beefs with animated gifs in general. Sheer laziness. He idly bobs through a slit in the water because he can’t be arsed to actually make a leap. Also, the reflection on the glassy surface remains motionless while the killer whale moves up and down! Seriously, animated gif creators, we notice. We notice.




Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Flock Together

When I joined the ACLU a while back and wondered if there were any activist meetings in my immediate locale, they directed me toward a little site called Meetup.com. Through said site, one can start (or join) a group based on a common interest, and attend local meetups with like-minded folks.

For example, if you happen to be a die-hard fan of Norwegian pop sensation a-ha but find yourself obsessing alone, simply type “a-ha” into the Meetup.com search and you’re likely to stumble across the "a-ha fans Southern CA Meetup Group" (14 members strong). Same with 17th Century Spanish Drama or Traditional Amish recipes or…well, anything at all, really.

Every week, I’m tickled to receive an email informing me of the various Meetups taking place near me—i.e. the “Studio City Stitch & Bitch” and the “Universal Order and Biojoy Fellowship.”

This morning, it occurred to me that I find this weekly list strangely comforting, as it drives home the fact that no matter how odd our interests/guilty pleasures—we are not alone.

Other groups in the LA area include:
  • Druid Meetup
  • Orlando Bloom Meetup
  • Southern California DEPECHE MODE Devotional Group (159 members)
  • The Apollonian Poets (20 members)
  • KEEROOV Kosher Eth-E-co-logical Raw Organic Optimistic Vegan (29 members)
  • UFO Meetup
  • Order of The Perfectly Manicured Papaya - SoCal Chapter (52 members)
  • Los Angeles Vampires (199 members)
  • Metal Detecting Meetup
  • The Be Totally Free Meetup Group (23 members)
  • Dude Check This Out! Meetup
  • Godzilla Meetup
  • BARF Diet Meetup
  • Hula Hooping Meetup
  • Wonder Woman Meetup

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Travel Journal Part 5: Random Musings on My Week

From this outsider's perspective, London is a fascinating mixture of the staid and traditional with the contemporary and cutting-edge. Probably a reaction of the younger generation toward the stodgy repression of their elders (and the ghosts that they continue to revere). I suppose if one grew up surrounded by so much pomp antiquity, one would find it blasé, and turn instead to modern minimalism and pop culture worship.

The effect of which is an intriguing place packed to the hilt with bodiless souls and soulless bodies. But, I guess you can probably say the same about all cities where the old world exists in such close proximity with the new.

* * *

What I found particularly interesting are the C.C.T.V. signs everywhere, essentially warning troublemakers not to get out of hand because Big Brother is watching! True to the Orwellian vision, an enormous portion of public and private areas in the UK are now surveilled by close circuit television—not only streets, shops and private properties such as hotels, but also inside taxicabs, trams, etc. Here are a couple of C.C.T.V. signs I took—one inside a taxi and another on a garbage truck. Signs like these can be found on buildings, vehicles and street posts all over the place.


* * *


In the news: Yob violence is on the rise, resulting in a number of senseless killings around the UK. (Yob being slang for a young aggressive person—“boy” spelled backwards.) Parents are advised on how to nip youth violence in the bud.

Dane maintains that one of the things that drove him out of the UK was this very problem.





* * *

UK grocery store chocolates are far better than their American counterparts. Hands down.

Travel Journal Part 4: Hello Dalí!

Two more museum visits to report.

The British Museum has a wonderful collection of Egyptian & Mesopotamian artifacts that I thoroughly lapped up. Show me some clay pots, beaded jewelry, stone chisels, human and animal remains within glass cases, and I’m happy.

I also perused their great collection of prints and drawings that spanned from the 15th century to present day. Represented there are Albrecht Durer, William Blake, Henry Moore (the list of notables goes on and on). Think you’ll get a kick (as I did) out of Grayson Perry’s humorously self-deprecating “Map of An Englishman”—which you can check out in detail here.

Unfortunately , I didn’t make it to any of their other amazing collections of ancient Greek and Asian art.

Dane joined me on Friday on an excursion to the Tate Modern where, extremely lucky for us, we were able to catch the special exhibit entitled Dalí & Film. Oh gods of great timing, thou art kindly indeed! My humble eyes were able to viddy such amazing works as “The Persistence of Memory,” “The Metamorphosis of Narcissus” and “Sleep” (among many others!); see various paintings and drawings that were studies of film projects both completed and not completed; as well as watch the complete Luis Bunuel-Salvador Dalí joint Un chien andalou and the infamous and absolutely fantastic Dalí/Walt Disney film Destino. Infamous because the film hadn't been finished during their lifetimes for the imagery was too controversial for Disney to be associated with. It was finally completed in 2003, with modern day animators attempting to stay true to Dalí and Disney’s original vision for the film.

Unfortunately, Dalí's project with the Marx Brothers (he was a great admirer of physical comedians such as Harold Lloyd and the Marx bros) never came to fruition. One can only imagine the wild surrealist romp that would have been!

Easily, the Tate Modern proved to be my favorite experience of the entire trip.

Travel Journal Part 3: The Exchange Rate Blues

There’s nothing like possessing weak currency to break down one’s sense of national pride. Well, that and election fraud, disastrous wars, doofuses occupying important governmental positions...but I digress. Thanks to the U.S. deficit, I’m having to buy packaged sandwiches at Marks & Spencer (U.S. equivalent = a higher quality Trader Joes) and—sadder still—limit most of my shopping to Primark (US equivalent = something like K-mart). My patronizing the latter establishment has now earned me Dane’s ridicule, as apparently, there was a song he’d sung as a schoolboy in Northern Ireland which went something like: “Primark…shirts and skirts that fall apart, trousers that can’t hold a fart.” Oh well. I’d have shopped elsewhere if the dollar could hold its value.

But, hey—culture is free! So it was off to the National Gallery on Wednesday (decided to go on foot to save some dough) where I spent quite a bit of time in the Post-Impressionist room as I’ve a particular weakness for that period. Of the Romantic Era, Gericault and Delacroix are my favorites. Of course, I also had to stop by the 16th Century Italian collection to worship the genius that was Caravaggio. Walked straight past the Gainsboroughs and Constables —as that whole bucolic, pastoral stuff is not really my bag. Same with the French Impressionists like Monet, Pissaro and Renoir, who, despite everyone else’s adoration of them, never really did much for me.

Ok, onto topics less high-brow. The service I experienced at London restaurants has been absolute shit. For example, one waitress served us tea but forgot to give us hot water in which to steep our bags. It took about five minutes for me to finally catch her eye from across the room and mime the action of pouring water into my cup. Not understanding the gesture, she returned with a blank stare and went along with her business. Five minutes later after our desserts were long finished, we finally flagged her down and she realized her mistake with some embarrassment. At Wagamama (a hip asian noodle establishment), Dane was seated in a high traffic area and was bumped into a number of times by three separate servers. According to him and his Londoner mates, being forgotten about, collided into and trod upon would represent a typical night out.

I’ll leave you now with a photo (taken on my walk to the National Gallery) that I like to call “London is Eff-ing Crowded.”

Thursday, August 16, 2007

10 Words That Are Fun To Say

Just off the top of my head:
  1. Tonka
  2. Poughkeepsie
  3. dirndl
  4. T'Pau
  5. gazpacho
  6. dipthong
  7. Albuquerque
  8. phosphorescence
  9. Agamemnon
  10. supercilious
Feel free to add your favorites to the list.


Woman wearing a dirndl. In case you were curious.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Travel Journal Part 2: You Do The Kayamath

How am I meant to leave my hotel room when I’ve got this on the television?

The editing! The acting! The “woosh-woosh” sound effects! The gorgeous women!
Did I mention the editing???

Thank you, Britain, for introducing me to Kayamath—an Indian soap opera with cuts so mental it makes Domino look serene. Have a gander and stick with it for at least 3 minutes. Believe me, folks, the entire show is cut this way.

Brilliant.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Travel Journal Part 1: Keep Your Nuts To Yourself

Amazingly, we made it into London yesterday having encountered no major snafus—an impressive thing given my usual luck as well as the massive computer failure at LAX leaving 17,000 international travelers stranded. (See photo below from Yahoo! News)

I made sure to pack enough snacks for the 10 hour flight: trail mix, pistachios (I’d just bought about a year’s supply of them from Costco so needed to start making some headway) and a pack of Filipino Cracker Nuts. My typical bad luck, having failed me at the airport, decided to kick in on the flight when the captain announced that a certain passenger had a severe nut allergy, so would everyone on board please refrain from opening any package of anything containing nuts or even traces of nuts.

Phooey. Perhaps I should have had the foresight to pack some crackers? Ah well…it was a minor bother, considering that I’m now happily typing this away at my swanky Soho hotel room, paid for by Dane’s company. The last thing I ought to do is complain about some verboten trail mix.

At the behest of others, I’ve brought my camera and plan on snapping away at random sights—but am sorry to say that I’ve forgotten my USB cord back home. So for the time being, here’s a shot from Carnaby Street I cheekily stole off of someone else’s Flickr page.


Dane will be working away at his London office for the greater part of the week while I occupy myself with aimlessly wandering around town. Sometimes, no plans are the best plans. (I made that up just now, so really don’t have a clue in hell how true it is!)

I’ll post photos when I return.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Wainwrights -- The Musical

Just thinking aloud here, but wouldn't the Wainwright Family be an amazing subject for a folk opera? No other musical dynasty has aired their dirty laundry in song quite as much as this uber-talented lot have. I mean, the libretto and score are practically already written.

Of course this is just a rough sketch transcribed from a stained coffeehouse napkin, but maybe, it would go a little something like this...


Act I – Folk Mates

Scene 1 – Love/Hate among Artists

Loudon Wainwright III: “Saw Your Name in the Paper”

Scene 2 “On the Rocks” or “Unhappy Anniversary”

Loudon:Mr. Guilty
Kate McGarrigle: “Go Leave”
Loudon: “I’d Rather Be Lonely”
Kate: “Kitty Come Home”
Loudon: "Whatever Happened to Us"

Act II – “Bein’ A Dad”

Scene 1 – Caught in the Crossfire

Loudon: "Make Your Mother Mad"

Scene 2 “Mother of Gloom”

Kate: I Eat Dinner” (“I eat dinner at the kitchen table/With my daughter who is thirteen…No more smalltalk/When the hunger's gone”)
Kate: “I’m Losing You” (“I'm sending you some money to buy a pair of shoes 'cause you've grown out of the last ones/I know I'm losing you”)

Act III - Deadbeat Dad Blues

Scene 1

Loudon: “Grown Man” (“Do you hope to right your wrongs?/You can't undo what has been done/To all your daughters and your son/The facts are in and we have found/That basically you're not around”)

Scene 2

Rufus Wainwright:Dinner at Eight” (“Daddy, don't be surprised If I wanna see the tears in your eyes/Then I know it had to be long ago/Actually in the drifting white snow/You loved me”
Martha Wainwright:B.M.F.A.” (“I will not pretend/I will not put on a smile/I will not say I'm alright for you when all I wanted was to be good/to do everything in truth…You bloody mother fuckin' asshole…”

Act VI - Grand Finale (Carnegie Hall perhaps?)


So, could I be on to something here??? Maybe in about 10 years time, after all hatchets are buried? Well, however it would turn out, it's gotta be better than Cats. That's for damn sure.

Photo: Wainwright Family Christmas at Carnegie Hall 12/13/06

Blogged with Flock

Sunday, August 5, 2007

St. Vincent @ The Echo 8-04-07

Within 20 minutes of listening to St. Vincent’s (a.k.a. Annie Clark) debut record Marry Me (which I immediately purchased after sampling the 30 second iTunes teasers), I dropped everything and set my fingers a-typin’ to find out if she was currently on tour. Lucky for me, she was. A show was scheduled at L.A.’s The Echo, and through the magic of the web, within two minutes I sealed the deal with reservations placed on my credit card.

Last night I attended said show—and what a sonic feast it proved to be! Death Vessel (a.k.a. Joel Thibodeau – is it just me, or are there a lot of singer/songwriters these days with stage monikers meant to sound like band names?) was a man of few words, but ample songwriting ability. His Americana/folk-laced pop and jarringly high-pitched/clear-as-a-bell voice reminded me a bit of Tom McCrae meets Iron & Wine.

After Joel wrapped up his set, there was the normal break for set-up and sound-check before St. Vincent started their show. Annie—a slip of a girl, probably weighing not much more than 100 pounds—and band opened with the crowd-pleasing “Jesus Saves, I Spend”—and by the first harmonized “bom bom bom bom”s of the song’s intro, I was hooked, reeled in, and walloped on the head like a prize catch. It became apparent a few minutes in that this doe-eyed, angelic-voiced chanteuse can rock out with the best of them, and as the song drew to its dramatic close, Annie purposely let her electric guitar fall, and after the distorted ring made by the instrument’s impact with the stage floor died down, she opened her eyes brightly and her waifish face lit up with a smile. “Thanks,“ she said sweetly—and I was taken aback by the paradoxical contrast between Audrey Hepburn-like sprite and guitar shredding rocker chick.

Next came the Kate Bush-esque “Now, Now”—obviously the album’s single—and her delivery was impeccable. Other memorable songs of the evening include the piano driven “Marry Me” with a fat-bottom beat (an excellent performance despite an uncooperative microphone stand) as well as “Paris is Burning” for which a mannequin arm fashioned into a rhythmic instrument was used. Need more explanation? A button triggering a hand clap sound effect was attached to the mannequin’s palm with its trailing audio output cord secured with duct tape. Yes, it looked as strange as it sounds. Later on in the evening, Annie, whilst in a trance induced by the rock-n-roll gods, proceeded to rip the cable off from this mannequin arm (which creepily resembled the ripping out of an IV) and use it as a prosthetic with which to speedily strum her electric guitar during another dramatic and deafening closer—I believe it was during the song “Your Lips Are Red.” (Sorry folks, I neglected to take notes.)

After their “final” song and the band was coaxed back on stage for an encore, Annie called John Vanderslice (with whom St. Vincent previously toured) up from the crowd, and the two performed a duet. Finally, the show wrapped up with Annie’s gorgeous rendition of the Nico classic “These Days.”

I’m agog whenever I ponder the music St. Vincent will produce in future years, if this be merely the debut. I do realize, though, that she’s no novice to the studio nor stage, having been the guitarist for the Polyphonic Spree and part of the Sufjan Stevens family before venturing off on her own.

St. Vincent tours with The National in a month’s time and if you’re smart, you’ll catch her live whenever, wherever you can—as female singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalists of Annie’s ilk are few and far between. Her arrangements are complex, her words poetic & cynical, her voice soaring and expressive, her musicianship solid. If I wasn’t girl-crushing on her so much right now, I’d probably hate her guts.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Irking Oddwatcher

Thou shalt not, when naming thy film, book, television show, song, nor any other work of art, use the following hackneyed formula, for it is an abomination:

Present Continuous (ing) Verb + Person’s Name

Let us not add to the list of:
  • Chasing Amy
  • Judging Amy
  • Serving Sarah
  • Regarding Henry
  • Regarding Sarah
  • Regarding Billy
  • Finding Forrester
  • Saving Silverman
  • Saving Private Ryan
  • Understanding Jane
  • Becoming Jane
  • Deconstructing Harry
  • Being Julia

Etc. and etc…

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Once in a while…

...when she’s feeling generous, Lady Luck decides to throw me a bone. Earlier this week, it came in the form of a cool work assignment—an interview with Glen Hansard (singer/songwriter/musician, frontman of the band The Frames, and star of the newly released and highly praised film Once).

Sometimes, I’ll get an interviewee who’ll lend a little bit of excitement to an otherwise dull work day. Other times I’ll get…well, I’ll get the likes of Hoobastank. Needless to mention, this occasion happened to fall under the former category.

Interview excerpts:

American Frames fans have always felt somewhat spoiled to be able to see you in smaller, intimate venues—but all of that will probably change when Once gets its wide U.S. release in October and more Americans are exposed to your music. Do you have any anticipation in regards to this?
Well I have to say that I’m over the moon. I’d be an idiot to say, “Fuck it, I don’t care” because it almost feels to me that the Frames have almost gone out and canvassed for every single member of our audience so far, and it almost feels to me sometimes that we know every single member of our audience. On this trip, for instance, there’s a really good fan of ours in Philadelphia, Emma, and she’s like “This fucking film! What is this going to do to you?” And I was like, “What do you mean?” And she was like, “You’ll be playing to Wachovia Center now in Philly and we’ll never get to see you again and I don’t like this!” And I was like, this is amazing! Fair play to her honesty, but on the other hand, I’m like, you know, isn’t this what we do it for and isn’t this what you wanted? So it’s a weird double-edged sword. You have to just kind of embrace this and kind of enjoy it. And to be honest with you, the past couple of weeks have been really, really amazing for me. And it kind of feels like for seventeen years…it was kind of like the Frames against the world. You’re making your albums and you’re putting out your art and you’re really into it. And then one day you make this little film as part of you moving on and doing your thing…and one day the world just turns around and goes “What?” You’re kicking the world’s ass for all that time and it turns around and goes “What?”—and it’s the most terrifying and overwhelming and weird feeling. … And the response we’ve been getting has been really genuine, which gives me a lot of heart, I’ve gotta say. Because, you know, if we were in some sort of big American romantic comedy I’d be so fucking ashamed right now…

…What’s the most memorable concert that you’ve ever attended?
The most memorable concert I’ve ever attended was a Leonard Cohen concert when I was 15. I went to see Leonard Cohen with my cousin who was like five years older than me. He had recently been hit by a stolen car in Dublin, and he was having epileptic fits after. And during “Famous Blue Raincoat” at the gig, my cousin went into a fit, and Leonard stopped the gig and basically said, “Is this kid alright?” He was doing a matinee and an evening show, and we went off to the Hospital and they made sure we got tickets to the evening show. And we came back and Leonard come up and shook our hands and said “Are you ok?” to my cousin. And as a 15-year-old singer/songwriter, that was the most profoundly important moment...


Read the entire interview.

Fun With Anthropomorphism

Sam the Seagull sticks it to mankind by shoplifting Doritos from an Aberdeen shop. Apparantly, he does this on a regular basis—and always favors Doritos. Good choice, as the rice cakes are bound to make his stomach explode. Despite the criminal behavior, Sam is generous enough to share his booty with the rest of the flock—which is more than I can say about some folks I know.

Since we’re on the subject of attempting to understand the mysteries of the animal kingdom by over-simplified comparison to the species we know best—us—it’s time for a game of…

You Write the Caption



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